What makes some people more successful than others? Is it their intelligence? Their work ethic? Or, did they just run into a lucky streak? Of course, you’ll want to put your great work ethic forward. However, the truth is that if you want to succeed then you’ll need to have emotional intelligence. You’ll want to work to gain the qualities of people with amazing emotional intelligence.
As defined by Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.”
There’s a lot to learn about emotional intelligence. By the way, you can learn emotional IQ and up your score by learning and following these 11 qualities of people with amazing emotional intelligence (Emotional IQ).
Being self-aware is arguably the most fundamental quality of those who possess emotional intelligence. That’s because self-awareness lets you recognize potential personal hazards in yourself — and avoid them — because you know who you are.
You know what your strengths and weaknesses are and work them to your best advantage. You watch for traits that you still want to learn, and what environments best suit your work style.
Additionally, being self-aware aware helps you control and manage your emotions, as well as being able to spot problems before they become a big ordeal.
Empathy is being able to relate to others and understand what they’re experiencing. In other words, it’s putting yourself in someone else’s shoes so that you can comfort or help them in the way that they require and with what they need.
Being empathetic also makes you curious about others. Eventually, this will lead to you asking them a lot of questions to get to know them better, which is essential in building meaningful and long-lasting relationships.
There are actually two types of empathy, as explained in this piece from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley:
‘“Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other peoples’ emotions.’”
They have mental awareness.
Besides being aware of your own feelings and those of others, people with a strong emotional IQ have the ability to determine the moods and energy of a group.
For example, when they notice that their team is yawning and buried into their phones, great leaders will get the team back on track by encouraging attendees to participate. They will spark passion among the team not slam them down. Short evaluations about what went wrong — without blame casting is one of the hallmarks of a leader with strong emotional IQ.
They’re agents of change.
People with amazing emotional IQ (EQ) don’t resist or dread change. In fact, they embrace it. That’s because they know that change is just a part of life and they need to adapt or be left behind. That’s not to say that welcoming change, both good and bad, is easy. It can be challenging. However, in order to succeed, you must be able to adapt to the changes around you so that you can grow personally and professionally.
They’re not perfectionists.
Often times perfectionism gets in the way of things like finishing tasks on-time and achieving goals. Why does this happen? Because perfectionists not only have a difficult time getting starting and procrastinate, they’re constantly searching for the perfect answer or end-result. Those with higher emotional IQ realize that nothing in life is perfect. So, why keep chasing perfection?
When you have high emotional IQ, you do your best and move on. If you made mistakes along the way. You are also more likely to learn from your mistakes and make better adjustments in yourself than less mature persons can or would.
Instead of being a “glass-half-empty” type, those with high emotional IQ are optimistic and see the good in everyone and everything. This helps them find something to be thankful for every day. As a result, they feel good about their lives and strong relationships because they show their appreciation for others.
If you haven’t done so, take a couple of minutes daily to quietly reflect on just two of three awesome things that you have in your life. It puts everything into perspective and forces you to take note of the things that you usually take for granted. For example, if you have a reliable and hardworking employee, tell them how much you appreciate that. It’s simple, but it will make them feel like a rockstar and will help cement a stronger bond between you.
They’re deep, creative thinkers.
Another quality possessed by those with the highest emotional intelligence is that they’re deep and creative thinkers. They actually have the unique ability to analyze and process new information, while also continuing to analyze existing information and habits. This allows them to constantly find ways to improve themselves.
What’s more, because they have analytical minds, emotionally intelligent people are always on a quest to solve problems and answer the “why.” In other words, they want to know what they’re doing right and what they’re doing not so right — so that they can develop new insights and fresh solution to problems.
By balanced I mean that those with a lofty emotional intelligence are aware that there’s a time to work and a time to play. After all, working 24/7 only creates unnecessary stress and potentially severe health problems, such as stroke, coronary artery disease, type 2 diabetes, and even cancer.
Emotionally intelligent people set boundaries so that they can enjoy their lives. For example, they may go camping for the weekend and have their phone turned-off the entire time to avoid being bothered by work-related messages. However, when Monday morning arrives, they’re ready to tackle the workday.
They focus on the positive.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t dwell on past mistakes. They don’t feel sorry for themselves. It is easy to spend time with negative people, but those with greater emotional IQ — begin to quickly and quietly cut these people out of their lives. They have to make this choice in order to maintain their own emotional health — which has to be a higher priority.
Instead, they spend their time and energy on the positive. This means thinking about what they’re grateful for, developing solutions to problems that they have control over, and surrounding themselves with those who bring them up instead of bringing them down.
They can distinguish between wants and needs.
There’s a big difference between what you want and what you need. Those with amazing emotional intelligence are able to separate their wants and needs so that they can set appropriate goals.
By using Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs,” says that you need to take care of your basic needs such as food, water, safety, and security first. If those needs aren’t met, then how can you chase the things that you want, such as a new luxury car or shiny new gadget?
They know when to say “no.”
We rarely enjoy hearing or saying the word “no.” For this reason, it may be difficult for many to decline an invite to a social function or tell a colleague that you don’t have time to help them finish a project.
The thing is, you need to know your limits and recognize that you can’t attend every event or help everyone out with their priorities. If you try to do this, you’ll be spreading yourself too thin and will not have the time to work on what is most important for you personally. Even if that’s just spending a Saturday reading, visiting a museum, or watching Netflix.
Emotionally intelligent people know how to say “no” by offering softer responses, such as “I’ll think about it after I check my calendar,” when there’s a situation that requires an immediate response. They’re also transparent. If they have committed to a prior engagement, they’ll be honest about why they can’t attend your party.
Ultimately, emotionally intelligent people determine what their priorities are and realize that they may have to reject some requests in order to focus on their commitments.
Do you have any of the qualities listed above? If so, then congratulations! You’re fortunate, you have been working on your emotional intelligence.
But, what if you don’t have any of these qualities? The good news is that you can develop them over them to become more self-aware, empathetic, and respectful. How are you going to affect your own change?